*Disclaimer- To anyone struggling with serious addictions, I do not say anything here to be light-minded. This has been a serious struggle for me, even though it may seem really lame comparatively speaking.
Trichotillomania- An impulse disorder characterized by the compulsive urge to pull out one's hair.
I have been a hair puller as long as I can remember. I have also been trying to stop pulling my hair as long as I can remember. In my many failed attempts at breaking this horrible habit/addiction in my life I have learned a lot about myself along the way. I have learned that I pull my hair when I am insecure, stressed, overwhelmed, bored, breastfeeding, reading, taking tests, driving, when it is windy, when I have made poor eating choices, and when I feel down on myself. In other words, I am always pulling out my hair!
This issue has been a matter of prayer and fasting for me. I have been able to stop for a few days or weeks, but never much longer than that. Until now!! I haven't pulled my hair for almost two months. The Lord is teaching me how to stop with one word, insatiable.
Elder Robert D. Hales said "In seeking to overcome debt and addictive behaviors, we should remember that addiction is the craving of the natural man, and it can never be satisfied. It is an insatiable appetite. When we are addicted, we seek those worldly possessions or physical pleasures that seem to entice us. But as children of God, our deepest hunger and what we should be seeking is what the Lord alone can provide—His love, His sense of worth, His security, His confidence, His hope in the future, and assurance of His love, which brings us eternal joy."
He has taught me that even if I succeed at completely destroying myself, I will still want to do more damage. It is an insatiable appetite. Whenever I think of pulling my hair again, I just say the word insatiable to myself. Then I remember pulling it just once will never be enough.
The other thing that the Lord has taught me in this process is to take it one day at a time. I just have to get through today. Then I just get through another today, and so on. And suddenly it has been almost two months of todays! It is still a temptation every day, but I feel so great that it is starting to get easier.
I can't ever let down my guard, but I am on the road to recovery and it feels great!! I am even telling a bunch of people on the internet, that must say something about my willingness to be more accountable, right?!
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