Happy Heart Day!

Today is Ethan's heart day.  He had his open heart surgery five years ago today.  I am feeling so blessed that we still have this little monkey with us.  I was reading my journal from that day and it honestly makes my stomach turn to remember all of those details again.

I am so grateful that we don't know what is coming too far in advance, I am sure I would fret and stew over things if I knew.  God must know that about me, because we were planning for him to have surgery in January.  A surprise cancellation and feeling of urgency from the doctor made it possible for Ethan's surgery to be November 16, 2009.  

Everything was going well, the NP's kept us updated regularly with updates like, "he is being cut open...he is on the heart and lung machine, he is off the machine and doing well.."  We felt so relieved that it was over!  Then the doctor came in and wanted to talk to us in the consultation room.  I knew instinctively that I didn't want to discuss anything with him in a consultation room.  He was yawning and I believe I even saw him scratch his back side while he delivered a message to us.  He said something along the lines of "the repair went well, but he had an allergic reaction after his chest was closed.  We think it was from the Protamine, but that is so rare, only 12 cases of that are documented per year in the country, it is almost always fatal...."  He went on, but I went numb right then.  All I wanted was to hold my little boy.  We couldn't see him yet.  They were still getting things under control.  We had to wait another hour, that was a looonnnggg hour.

Ethan looked terrible when we finally got to see him.  This is my description of him from my journal.  "Finally we got to see him in the PICU and he looked so bad.  He was intubated on 100% oxygen with nitric oxide at 20.  He had 7 drips going including dopamine, epinephrine, nipride, milrinone, and three more I can't remember.  He had an IJ line, an arterial line, a PIV in his foot, a chest tube, pacer wires sticking out on both sides of the chest tube, a catheter, restraints tying him to the bed and covered with hives from head to toe.  When he woke up he was so thirsty he kept signing milk, water, drink, juice.  When I had to tell him no (he was still intubated) he would try to cry but no sound would come out because of the tube and tears ran down his cheeks.  Broke my heart."

That was really hard.  How did we do that?  How did Ethan do that?  I know how.  

"And now my sons remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer who is Christ the Son of God that you must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea his shafts in the whirlwind.  When all his hail and his mighty storms shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo.  Because of the rock upon which ye are built which is a sure foundation a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."  Helaman 5:12

So grateful that is over.  It only took me five years to be able to talk about it.